Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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