WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
