I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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