Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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