I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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