Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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