shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
