I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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