I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
