Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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