Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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