i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
