still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
