his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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