you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
