You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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