You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
