I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
