He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
