but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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