just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Also, beer. Big fan.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
