Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
