why do cheetos always look like penises
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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