I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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