Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize