he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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