dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
