After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize