I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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