Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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