I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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