Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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