onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
