Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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