Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
