Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
