ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
