i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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