I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
