I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
