i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
