did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
