I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
