The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
