im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize