As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
