Please, let me fuck your mom
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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