oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
