i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
