I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Terrible idea I love it
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
