Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
