dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
