Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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