this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Randomize