When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Randomize
