Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
