the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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