Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
