saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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