I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize