I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
