my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
