you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
