bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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