On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Dick very happy bro
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
