Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
