I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm sobbing to NWA
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
