I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
