just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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