I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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