ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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