just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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