What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
